Wow, So thru all this learning to do what makes me happy I realized by myself and by reading that life doesn't have to be about helping others. Well I took that to extremes and here is what happened.
I have heard from alot of books and experts " why would you choose to help someone instead of allow them to be where they are?" So I stopped and realized that to a point I was helping others and then getting frustrated when they were not grateful enough or just fell right back into something that I just helped them get out of. So in this process I realized that I was doing things for me, to make me feel better and when it didn't happen the way I wanted it upset me. So I decided that it is not my "job" to make others better, it is on them.
Recently, aka yesterday, our niece moved in with us because she at 20 has had some medical problems and has been living with friends for quite a while and her Dad, my BIL, moved her here and she is staying with us. I literally threw a fit about it. I could not believe that he was expecting us to take on this big kid and I was basically being a selfish bitch about it because it was not my job to get her on her feet.
That is when it hit me it is ok to be nice and help out as long as you are not expecting something from it personally. If you like to help others that are in need and it makes you happy regardless of the outcome then go for it. I makes me feel alot better to be nice in a difficult situation for her than to be unwelcoming and digging in my heals. I like to feel good so I choose the path that makes me feel best.